Awesome...and Not So Awesome

It was Canada Day yesterday.

Here's a history lesson. The day didn't celebrate some bloody battle that secured land for future Canadians, or a bold treaty that gave the ol' FU to some European power. No sir, it celebrates the day that New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Quebec, and Ontario combined to form the Dominion of Canada. To be fair, the constitution wasn't even patriated until 1982. Why is this important you say? How does this affect me you say? Where in God's name is New Brunswick you say? Well that's not important. While this holiday isn't as badass as July 4th, it does signify one thing. Canadians didn't have to go all crazy shooting other people to form a country. Ok, this holiday kind of sucks.

I saw Wanted the other day. *SPOILER ALERT*





I knew I had to suspend my belief for a few hours. Curving bullets... I got it. The Loom of Fate? LAME. The movie was just pounding me with awesome, until I found out the basis for the entire story line is some sort of prophetic loom. Morgan Freeman, the voice of God also swears. My mind was blown. I hope your name doesn't show up or you're going to get sniped in the head from 5 miles away. How are you supposed to prepare for that? "They were decoys." I'm sorry but if you can shoot someone from across a city, I don't know if you really need decoys.

So at the gym the other day, I came across a guy that we'll call "Sex Sounds Guy." Mr. SSG, quite the hairy and greasy fellow, likes to pretend the local BSC is some sort of porn studio. Thank you, your ridiculously loud moans and OH YEAH's have been noted. Might I suggest a ball gag while you work out if you like to roll that way.

I had a drink called the Jimi Hendrix Experience. Let's just say the experience is pretty much throwing up in your mouth and a stomachache.

Another Angry Rant

I realized this week that there is a certain habit people have that irks me. To make it short and simple I vehemently dislike little girls that giggle. Giggling should stop at the age of 8. Everything after is a sin in my eyes. It shows lack of composure, immaturity, and general stupidity. The only thing worse is a giggle accompanied by a playful slap. It's terrible when little Asian girls do it. From observation, they come off a little slutty or a little fobby... perhaps even both. I don't want to be stuck on a train full of slutty fobs or fobby sluts. Gross. I don't want 5000 years of Chinese civilization and all its accomplishments boiled down to little Asian girls... with pink Nike bags... with their thuggish wannabe boyfriends that have those ridiculous blonde rat tails. Good riddance.

The Jonas Brothers suck. This is like the second coming of Hanson but possibly with even less testosterone. This is rock music's answer to Soulja Boy. Ice-T said, "You're old enough to be my son but you just single-handedly destroyed hip hop." The effects will be similar. Anyone that sincerely enjoys their music should take a good, long look at themselves in the mirror... then drive their face directly through it. Then maybe you'll finally bleed the pathetic out of you... or maybe not. Either way I am satisfied.

Speaking of guys with guitars... I don't like guys who sit around with guitars for no reason. Strumming loudly when the situation doesn't call for it doesn't make you look sensitive... it is kind of irritating. Maybe that's just me.

Coldplay's Viva La Vida makes no sense. It's some sort of Christian worship song... IN DISGUISE. Isn't that a bit... subversive?

It is a bit late, but yes the Celtics won. I would like to thank the Lakers for handing us the trophy and totally cracking. Way to show some cahones. This is what happens when you have a EuroLeague team and your best player is a rapist. I felt pretty good when the entire Lakers bandwagon all across America ran away from it like it was a guy with an AIDS-infected needle. Did anyone see how crappy that Lakers crowd was? Too cool/wealthy to cheer?

I might buy an Ipod. Gasp. I'm selling my soul.

There's a kid who dribbles a basketball in front of my window. There is no hoop in sight. He just paces back and forth dribbling. I'm thinking of laying a trap of some sort... like a hidden Viet Cong pit of spikes. Yummy. I want sushi.

Rumblings and Grumblings.

Well the Celtics lost in the Staples Center earlier tonight. There are a few observations to be made about "Laker Nation". When I was at Game 1 in the Garden, the building was a sea of green and white. Game 3? Where are all the yellow and purple jerseys? What kind of crowd is this? You know what else I'm tired of? There are all these people cheering the Lakers on. I just want to say one thing.

If you've never lived in Southern California, PLEASE STOP. Every man, woman, and child in New England can cheer for the Celtics; this is history we're witnessing. Besides, they're our hometown team. I can't say that I've been following the Celtics long, but I'm a Boston fan. With that said, who are all these clowns cheering on the Lakers? Regardless of team or sport, this is the most offensive example of bandwagonning I have ever seen. What's it to you if the Lakers win? There isn't going to be a parade in your state anyway. Suck it up if your hometown team isn't in the Finals. It sucks more if you're a Knicks fan. By the way, did you know Knicks is short for "Knickerbockers". Ya'll ain't so hard now are ya?


Kung Fu Panda is racist. I said it. I can't wait for the sequel "Bull-fighting Burrito" or "Road Side Bomb Arab". Me love you long time.

I still can't find a job. The only thing left is to sell my body.

Ya know, give blood and what not.



I looked at the Freshman year GPA. My kindergarten teacher Mrs. Vecter always said I'd be a B student forever. Thanks a lot woman, you're right. You cursed me from Day 1 to forever be slightly above average but never great. I am never going to excel at anything. I'm always going to be numbers 2-5 and never number 1. In honor of H.G Wells' book "Time Machine", I'm going to go back in time and spear tackle you before you can say it. However, I'd be trapped in a paradox as what drove me to build this time machine is because you said those words. If I stopped you, I'd never build that machine and so on and so forth. It can't be helped. I need another reason to build a time machine. I can build time machines.

It is so hot. It's not so hot that it gives anyone an excuse to act like a 'tard though. I was stuck on the train for like an hour with these juvenile Asian kids. The future is bleak. Actually, the future is ditsy, does not like to be slapped, and giggles a lot.


I can't believe I watched Don't Mess With the Zohan. Screw you Adam Sandler, you should have quit while you were ahead after Little Nicky.

I figured out what I want to name my kids. David Bag Wu and Thomas Bag Wu. Twins.

D-Bag and T-Bag are not to be messed with.

Sick to the Stomach

Well the Giants managed to defy all statistics and ruin history. Is this really good for football? What does this generation have to look back to? Where is our modern day dynasty? After watching Brady's pass on 4th and 20 sail harmlessly and land on the ground... its like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. All that trash talking was for naught. New Yorkers celebrated... despite the fact no one had any faith in Eli Manning.

After leaving Upper Campus, I covered my face in my Vrabel jersey and walked to the bus stop. No amount of sulking or lashing angrily at my Giants fan-friends could ease the pain. Well... that is until we put them to the test and whipped them 42-21 in DUCHESNE PARKING LOT FOOTBALL!!!! YAAARRRR.

Enjoy the parade New Yorkers... because there isn't going to be one in a very long time. Yanks suck, Mets suck, Knicks really suck, Jets suck, Rangers suck, Islanders suck, Globetrotters suck, Red Bulls suck (MLS), and most of all Giants suck.

The G in GGGGG-Men stands for GAY. Thank you Chris Berman.

This Blog Sucks

Alright I'm sure you've all realized I haven't written anything since I said I'd start blogging again. My highly touted project "Memoirs of 2007" will just have to wait as I can't remember anything eventful or worth noting. I will say this though... after one semester of college at BC, I've definitely gotten dumber... not to mention fatter. Also, I've literally become a vampire during this break seeing as how I've gone long stretches without seeing actual sunlight. Come on, look at the time stamp on this thing... its 7 am. After lying around reading Goosebumps and listening to Boston's "More Than a Feeling" 5 or 6 times, I came to realize something that is worth noting from 2007.

I hate Sean Kingston.

When "Beautiful Girls" came out, I did not expect this song to stick. To my horror, it just kept playing over and over again on the radio. The only thing worse than hearing it on the radio is hearing it on the radio... with people singing along (say in a car or at a friend's house). It seems that everyone, present author excluded, just loves chanting "suicidal" repeatedly like a bunch of zombies. Not cool guys. Not cool at all.

But Alfred! It's so catchy!

Catchy you say? Ah, the only kind of person that would say this is someone who doesn't realize music existed before 1999. Ever heard of a song called... "Stand By Me"? Hmm... it does indeed sound strangely similar. It seems like our fellow Mr. Kingston bastardized a classic hit just like how Vanilla Ice ripped off Queen's "Under Pressure".

Girls got you down? I can't believe you want to kill yourself already. Well sir, it does look like you got eating away the depression covered.



THE TRUTH

......

I would like to add that Anna Wong can't tell that Sean Kingston used "Stand By Me" for his song. Then again, she can't tell that Nickelback songs all sound the same. I truly believe there is no hope and her inability to sort out good music from absolute garbage is a testament to the degradation of post-modern culture. Society's good days are certainly behind us and there's nothing we can do but watch in horror as civilization spirals down towards oblivion. Soon, nothing will separate us from our ancestors that lived in caves who were afraid of the sun and never showered. Oh, the only difference is that they'll all be listening to Nickelback and T-Pain.